December 2014 Gilmore Gazette: Looking to a New Year with hopeful hearts

 

Dear Family & Friends,

On this final day of 2014, this New Year’s Eve, I feel compelled to write you. After Ericlee’s graduation to heaven on September 9, 2014, there were many days when I could not bear to sit down and write. To write is to remember, and that felt hard. To write was also a reminder that my greatest coach and cheerleader was no longer there. Now I believe that writing - in a lot of different avenues - may just be my path to healing. At this close of 2014, I stand on the mountaintop with such a different vantage point on all this year meant for us.

Last Sunday we attended Mosaic Church in Hollywood. I’ve always wanted to visit the church, and I was particularly struck by the worship and message that felt like they were designed just for me. The pastor, Hank, was sharing about a debilitating head injury he endured this year. He described how this humbling season was a reminder to him about how important it is to build a strong foundation.

In Luke 6:47, Jesus said, “It is like a person building a house who digs deep and lays the foundation on solid rock. When the floodwaters rise and break against the house, it stands firm because it is well built.”

As Hank was unfolding his story, I was reminded of mine. There were so many days after Ericlee’s cancer diagnosis on May 30 that I felt like I was standing before a giant pit. Every day I felt like God was urging me to walk straight into that pit. I argued and cried and questioned. How could this be? Why would I want to face cancer and sickness and losing my love and all my worst fears? Why would I willingly go there? I kept hearing God’s voice reminding me He had a plan and a purpose even in this for His glory. And when I started to step forward into that seeming abyss, I discovered that God had lined this pit with people who He would use to lift me. I never really had to touch bottom. I never really tasted despair because of all of you, and Christ in me. This was the foundation, the “community life insurance,” Ericlee invested in. I am beyond grateful.

Pastor Hank urged us all to pause on Sunday, to think back over 2014 and all we had experienced. He asked us to think about writing a letter to ourselves on December 31, 2013. What would we say then to prepare ourselves for all that was to come? What encouragement would we send? What would we urge ourselves to do differently? I sat quiet in my seat just pondering that. I came to a quick conclusion: I would not tell myself one single thing. I wouldn’t want to know of a cancer diagnosis. I wouldn’t want to know of a graveside service. I never could have handled those sobering details then.

On January 1, 2014, I was filled with HOPE. Ericlee and I had decided not to buy the kids a bunch of Christmas presents, and instead to head down to San Diego for a family trip to make memories. We surprised the girls and enjoyed a few days exploring Legoland and playing on the beach. We spent New Year’s Eve at our friends’ home, playing games and just dreaming about the year to come. Ericlee shared with me all his goals for his 40th year of life. We penned ideas for the ministry in Haiti, made a list of family and spiritual goals. The quality time was glorious. We did not know what was to come but we TRUSTED our Maker to unfold all things in His time.

I am grateful for the time we had together this year. In January, we vacationed in San Diego and then sent Ericlee off with a team to Haiti. When he returned, he cheered on his two oldest girls in their first season playing basketball. In February, we attended the Justice Conference in Los Angeles and our hearts were stirred for the justice work God is calling His people to around the world. In March, we traveled to the Central Coast and enjoyed a final weekend staying in the family beach house in Arroyo Grande before it was put up for sale. Ericlee also ran in a half marathon with his buddy Steve Ganzenhuber and competed in the CrossFit Open.

In April, we celebrated Ericlee’s 40th birthday with a party - a living memorial of sorts – including dinner and a time of sharing about his life. That month we also went on a wonderful weekend anniversary trip to Sacramento sans kids. Ericlee traveled to Haiti again with a group of guy friends while I took the girls to Seattle/Olympia for Spring break with my sister. In May, Ericlee competed in the Wildflower Triathlon and we cheered him on with my mother-in-law, Christene. In June, we took a week for retreat near Bass Lake with our missionary friends, the Puseys, who were home from Germany. I am grateful to have made these memories without knowledge of the suffering and sorrow and grief that was to come. These were treasured times, great gifts. These were a profound example to me of God’s grace.

We also tasted God's grace in the hard gifts. The Celebration of Life on September 13 proved to be not just a sad day for us, but a day full of stories, connecting and truly celebrating Ericlee's very full life. We found inspiration and encouragement in that time too. That day was a reminder that God does not promise to spare us from trials, but He promises to walk us through them and reveal His glory along the way.

 

People ask me all the time, “How are you doing?” I’m never sure how to answer that question except to say I’m doing well by God’s grace. This fall I have stepped away from a lot of dreams and rhythms and a life that I have built over the last decade with Ericlee. There certainly has been deep loss and grieving in that separation, but I have found surprising joy at every turn. I have intentionally taken time to care for myself, to feed myself, to exercise, to read, to snuggle in my big bed with my girls and to cry.

I have also stepped into a place where God is “making all things new.” He has set before me new opportunities, new relationships, and new purpose. Clinging to these words in Revelation: “He who was seated on the throne said, ‘I am making everything new!’ Then he said, ‘Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.’” As I feel God calling me into a new space, I’m eager to write again. I’ve taken on some new, exciting writing projects with a goal of publishing. I have also invested time in a group for young widows who have young children like me. My girls have attended a play therapy group through Hinds Hospice. We have traveled throughout California, forging new memories with family and our tribe. I believe all of this is a path God has laid before us for healing. He has scattered us in a new direction.

On this New Year’s Eve, I am surprisingly filled with HOPE. After the year I have had, I hold heaven and eternity so close to my heart. I know that I am not promised tomorrow. I know that anything and everything could change in a moment. I have experienced the beauty and horror and glory of that in this past year. The girls and I talk about heaven every day. We have a true confidence in our hearts that we will see Daddy again one day. We have the HOPE of Glory, and hold tightly to that. We step into 2015 without fear because we have faith in a God who sees us, who provides for us, who comes near to us in our time of need. We believe God is in the process of REDEEMING our story and your story too! We wish you all a blessed New Year! Thank you for being such a vital part of our journey and our healing.

For His Glory,

Dorina with Meilani, Giada & Zayla

“After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. To Him be dominion forever and ever. Amen.” ~1 Peter 5:10-11

Community Life Insurance: The Greatest Investment You'll Ever Make

This year my family has faced the most beautiful and painful season of our lives. My husband was diagnosed with stage four melanoma cancer in May. The news came like a sucker-punch to the gut, but it was no surprise to God. In the weeks that followed, we experienced God’s presence and provision in the most profound way and I began to understand how critical community is to our lives.

Ericlee invested in what I call “community life insurance.” He was passionate about investing in people and reaching out to others in need. When we were first married, he was a high school teacher and coach and I joined him in that mission. He modeled for me what it means to pour your life into others. Week after week, day after day, he took time to share his passion for God and life with his students and athletes. He listened to students’ problems on the bus, encouraged them on the basketball court, challenged them to work hard in the classroom and cheered them on, whether they were losing or winning a race. We invited those young people into our home for home-cooked dinners and pool parties. Sometimes we were family to them when they struggled to connect with their own families.

Sometimes we were family to them when they struggled to connect with their own families.

My husband was also the kind of guy who befriended strangers. In the grocery store or airport or post office, he loved to read nametags and greet people by name as if they were old friends. In our fast-paced culture buzzing with ATMs, smart phones and high-speed Internet, he would catch people off guard. He would ask them about their day and expect to engage in conversation. He invested the time and often amazing connections resulted.

He also had a passion for reaching out to invisibles. I remember one Saturday he insisted we take a trip downtown with our kids to hand out our surplus of winter clothes to some of the homeless who lived in tents. Admittedly, I was nervous in my heart about taking my young girls into that unknown environment. My husband boldly led us into the streets and offered people a hearty handshake and a sweatshirt. I witnessed how he looked people in the eyes and gifted them with a sense of dignity. I saw the same kind of investment as we traveled countless times to the country of Haiti and he spent time listening to the stories and dreams of people there. He had a heart for community development – not merely giving handouts, but empowering people as leaders and image bearers of God.

In the weeks that followed his cancer diagnosis, I began to understand this investment in community was something God intended to use to show me His daily presence. He already had an amazing provision marked just for us that would come through our community. After all, God’s heart beats for community. He Himself embodies community. He is Father, Son and Holy Spirit – three in one – our model of community working seamlessly. He has designed us to live in relationship, to work out our insecurities and use our gifts in the context of community. We are to bear each other’s burdens as it says in Galatians and lighten each other’s load (Galatians 6:2). We can try to live alone – islands struggling on our own in a stormy ocean – or we can choose to risk and invest in others.

He has designed us to live in relationship, to work out our insecurities and use our gifts in the context of community.

This summer as I watched my husband’s athletic body deteriorate before my eyes, I cried out to God. I stood at the kitchen sink every morning and wept. As his primary caregiver, I slept maybe two hours at a time for weeks and spent the rest of the time serving him juices and encouraging him through the debilitating and excruciating pain. I was physically and emotionally bankrupt but God showed up at just the right times again and again through our community.

One of my amazing friends became our “help administrator,” putting together a Facebook group for the purpose of helping our family. She organized people to provide meals, clean dishes, wash our clothes, deliver groceries and taxi my kids to school and activities. Friends from around the globe sent gifts cards and money for our medical expenses. Our mailbox and inboxes overflowed with messages of encouragement and stories of how my husband had influenced lives. Former students, athletes and friends flocked to our home to pray, sing and read to my husband. In all this, I was lifted, energized, comforted when I needed it most. I knew I was not alone on the journey.

My husband finished his glorious race on earth on September 9, 2014, and nearly three months later, my daughters and I are still reaping the benefits of his investment in community life insurance today. I recognized it when I randomly chose an eye doctor from an insurance list and it turned out to be the father of one of my husband’s former students. That generous eye doctor covered my contact lenses for the year. I recognized it when a woman and her family stopped me in the grocery store and insisted on paying for my groceries. She was a former colleague and longed to help my family. I recognized it when our UPS gal delivered a package one day and couldn’t stop talking about how she knew my husband from the gym, and how inspired she was by his influence.

He made His presence known to me in a very tangible way through the people in our community.

As I continue to bear witness to Ericlee’s incredible investment in people, I can’t help but challenge you (and myself) with these questions: Who are you investing in today? Who is your community? How can you embody God’s presence by reaching out to someone in their place of need?



On the morning before my husband graduated to heaven, I was able to tell him with confidence that the girls and I would be ok. I looked into his hazel eyes and told him God would care for us through our community, and I meant it. You see, I had already experienced the God of Christmas – the baby called Emmanuel, meaning “God with us.” He made His presence known to me in a very tangible way through the people in our community.

Don’t miss out this Christmas season. Be present and intentional with the people around you. This is an investment with amazing long-term returns.

*This article was originally posted on Self Talk the Gospel. Check out the original post here:
http://www.selftalkthegospel.com/the-greatest-investment-youll-ever-make/

October Gilmore Gazette: A letter to our supporters

Dear Friends & Family,

I have been trying to write this letter to you for the last few weeks.  As you all know by now, Ericlee completed his final race here on earth on September 9, 2014, and today experiences the ultimate glory. This is certainly a journey I never would have predicted or even chosen but I can say with full confidence today that God knew and has walked with us every step of the way.

I am writing to express my deep gratitude for all of your support during this difficult journey. I think back over the last four months and I have truly experienced God as Immanuel, God with us. Many of you wrote cards, letters, emails, Facebook and blog posts. Many of you sent money, gift cards, came to wash our dishes and fold our laundry. Many of you came to the house to pray, sing worship songs and encourage.  Many of you came to sit, cry, hold and “be God” dwelling among us through your presence. I cannot begin to tell you how those gestures have brought healing and bolstered my faith. 

Perhaps the most encouraging part of this journey has been seeing and hearing the stories of all the lives changed because of Ericlee’s influence. I know many have been challenged in their fitness, relationships, faith and call to serve the underprivileged because of the example my man set. Thank you for sharing your stories with me. These stories help his legacy continue. They also remind me that all these things were not some horrible accident. God knew Ericlee would live 40 glorious years. He knew I would enjoy 11 ½ years of marriage to him. He knew Ericlee’s influence would stretch wide and deep. He knew the ultimate healing of his body from cancer would be in heaven. We trust we will see our daddy and husband again one day. 

I have posted links to Ericlee’s “Celebration of Life” service on our blog at www.AlohaGilmores.blogspot.com for those who were not able to attend. Our blog also has several articles written by Ericlee before his death. I encourage you to go there or the “Ericlee Gilmore Memorial” Facebook page and even share your own memories. 

Moving forward, I have decided to take a break from ministry through Christian Friendship Ministries and The Haitian Bead Project. Ericlee appointed Tanner Munro as the new director of CFM in August and I fully support this decision. In September, I asked two friends and board members, Gina Wathen and Kim McCurry, if they would assemble a team to continue the work of the Haitian Bead Project. Admittedly, it is difficult for me to step away from these leadership roles but I strongly believe this is a choice God is leading me to so I can focus on the girls and my own healing. This ministry in Haiti has not just been a service project for our family – it is our life and heart. This transition will be hard but good on many levels. Rest assured, the ministry is in good hands. We have an ambitious and prayerful board of directors and Ericlee’s mom, Christene Karlyn, has chosen to stay involved. Peter Constantin is continuing in his role as the Haitian Director working closely with our board.

Thank you for supporting our family prayerfully and financially these past five years. We know your partnership was vital in helping us fulfill our calling. Many of you have expressed concern about my current financial situation. God has already been providing for the girls and me in miraculous ways. We are still negotiating medical bills, which will not be covered by insurance, but we see that God has already provided for a lot of that. I am teaching one class at California State University, Fresno this semester, and we will be getting social security “Survivor’s Benefits” along with the life insurance plan Ericlee invested in.

If you desire to keep helping our family, you can support us directly by sending gifts to my address: 4711 N. Harrison, Fresno, CA 93704 or by Paypal at dorinakailani@yahoo.com. Any donations given through CFM in the past few months will help toward our medical bills and a trip I hope to take back to Haiti to visit friends in spring 2015 with the girls. For more ways you can personally stay involved with God’s work in Haiti, see www.ChristianFriendshipMinistries.org.

 

For His Glory,

Dorina 

with Meilani, Giada & Zayla Gilmore

VIDEO: Ericlee Gilmore's "Celebration of Life" on September 13, 2014

Many of you have asked if it would be possible to see a recording of "Ericlee's Celebration of Life" Memorial service held on September 13 at People's Church. We are grateful for your interest in sharing this with our family.

Below is a link where you can watch the entire service:

CLICK HERE

At the reception, we served up Armenian food and had an opportunity for friends and family to share memories through written cards, encouragement written on Jenga tiles for the girls and video. We will treasure these stories of ways Ericlee influenced many individuals in the community. These serve as a legacy for my girls and testimony for the future. We encourage you to share your own memories & stories here on the blog or on the "Ericlee Memorial" Facebook group.

~Dorina Gilmore

Ericlee Gilmore Memorial Row-a-thon hosted Saturday at CrossFit CombatFitness

The following speech I shared Saturday at the Ericlee Memorial Rowathon at CrossFit Combat Fitness in Fresno where Ericlee coached:

I just want to take this opportunity to thank all of you for coming out today to compete and support our family and organization. Thank you to all our sponsors and vendors, and especially to Erik Traeger and CrossFit Combat Fitness for hosting this event and so many others. As you can imagine this has been a difficult several months for us as Ericlee was battling cancer, but today my spirits are truly lifted as I stand at this event and see so many people joining together to make one of my husband’s dreams come alive.

 Ericlee was an athlete his whole life. He played basketball, football and ran track and field. His specialty was the long jump and he even competed in track & field in college and tried out for the Olympics. He eventually went on to coach those sports. He was infamous with his athletes for two things: his oversized straw hat and creating tough conditioning workouts. This, of course, was pre-CrossFit days.

When Ericlee found CrossFit several years ago, I believe he found his sweet spot. He personally loved the challenge of the workouts and the idea that this sport was about all-around fitness. One of my most recent memories of Ericlee in this gym was this past April when he decided to raise money doing a 40^th birthday WOD. He put the word out to friends, family and clients that he would let them create a birthday WOD for him if they donated money toward Haiti. I believe it was his Boot Camp crew who created a brutal workout for him. True to form, he went for it. My three girls and I all came out to cheer him on as he went up against that ridiculous workout, which clearly was designed to make him exercise his weaknesses. It was a Courageous moment but that’s what Ericlee was all about. He was not afraid to face the difficult, the unknown, to take a challenge head on, and with that huge signature smile of his! Little did we know, he was fighting an aggressive form of melanoma cancer at the time.

Ericlee was not content to just do CrossFit himself. He wanted to share CrossFit with everyone and anyone who would listen. He coached here at CrossFit Combat Fitness but he also brought CrossFit to his athletes at Fresno Christian High School, the women who were part of our Wednesday Go Mama Workouts, just about any friend who was interested in getting in shape, and even to the people of Haiti.

Ericlee was a man of conviction. He was passionate about sharing his faith and offering a hand up to the people of Haiti. Following the footsteps of his pioneer grandparents who served in Haiti, my husband courageously served as the director of Christian Friendship Ministries. Through the years, he was a catalyst for many projects and partnerships with leaders in Haiti. He also brought Haiti to the CrossFit community. Again, thank you to all of you who have joined us these past five years as part of the Remember Haiti Fitness series. I still remember many late-night conversations with Ericlee about all the details of what this could look like. He built it from the ground up and I am truly awed to see how many people in the community have a heart for Haiti as a result.

Today we are raising awareness and funds for two of Ericlee’s dream projects: the first is for the largest school that is part of our non-profit. If you traveled to Haiti with me today, we would take a bumpy truck ride together into the northern mountains of the country and into the city of Pignon. We would pull in the front gate of the school and our truck would be mobbed by hundreds of school children, sticking their fingers in the windows, flashing crazy smiles for your cameras. Ericlee loved these children. As a teacher, he desired for them to get a solid education. As a coach, he desired for them to have a place to stretch and play and compete. Last year we raised money for a playground for the kids, which stands beautiful and regal today at that school. In fact, it’s the talk of the town because there’s nothing like it for miles around. This year we are raising money to complete the play yard with a smooth, cement top replacing the sharp gravel where they play now. We also are raising funds toward another wild and beautiful dream of Ericlee’s – equipment for a CrossFit-style gym for the city.

As you row and sweat and cheer today, I ask you to envision our friends in Haiti. I challenge you to lean in hard, to push yourself and to hear that booming coaching voice of my husband saying, “You can do it. Dig deep. One more.” I have no doubts that his spirit is here with us in this place.

I’d like to conclude with one of Ericlee’s favorite Bible verses. He was a man who loved to read God’s Word and use it to inspire during any workout. In 2 Timothy 4:7 it says,

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

This is what my man was all about – fighting through the difficult, finishing his race well and all the while keeping his faith. I pray today that you, too, will be challenged by his courageous example.

On Courage: Ericlee's gift to us

The following video was shared at Ericlee's "Celebration of Life" last Saturday:

I wanted to share this message about COURAGE with all of you as well.

How has Ericlee challenged you to have Courage in your own life? Please share a story here with us.

A Tribute to Ericlee by Paul Lazo

A beautiful tribute written by my brother Paul Lazo, who walked by my side in these last few months through the trials, the fear, the hard days of caring for my man. He was the one lifting my head, doing research, making phone calls, literally carrying Ericlee toward the finish. I'm grateful beyond words for his support and this beautiful picture of victory...

"In his last few days I was blessed to help Ericlee through a long, grueling night. But in his quiet moments I saw this…

The sun is setting, a crowd has gathered at the finish line. Off in the distance, the first head appears over the horizon. Then another and another. Soon the runners rise into view. The cheers grow to a roar as the first crosses the line closely followed by a second and third. Steam rises from their bodies as they cool down by pacing around.

Then the questions begin. Where is he? Is he ok? One runner says, “I lost track of him about a mile back.” Another agrees and adds, “I thought I saw him kneeling to tie his shoe.” Where could he be? Another said, “He was right behind me as we came up the last hill. In fact, he was coaching me to make that last push.” Then a voice cried out, “There he is! He's coming up the hill.” How could she tell? At this point, the sun was low and only a silhouette showed the figure of a runner. He was limping and obviously in pain. He hunched down for a moment gripping his right leg with his hands. 
Then he lifted his head to the sky and let out a scream.
 

By now the crowd had gone silent and his painful yell sent chills through the air. He began to walk again, then his pace got faster and faster. He cried out again, “I'm ok! I can do this!” His family, friends, the people he had touched over the years had now lined the path and were cheering him on. His wife and three girls started yelling to him, “c'mon daddy, your almost there.” His mom, stood in silence with her hands together prayerfully in front of the smile on her face.
 
As he approached, the officials grabbed another ribbon and stretched it across the finish line. We held our breathe anticipating his grand completion. With the last ounce of energy and the last breathe of air he stretched out his arms in victory. As the ribbon broke the sun set and darkness fell. A tear rolled down my cheek as I realized, I never said goodbye. To this father, son, brother, coach, missionary, and friend. How could he know that I loved him and I was proud of him and I would never forget him.
 
Then I see him. He is lit up. At the top of the hill, past the finish line and high above the crowd. He is standing strong and tall. His body is restored and he is looking back at us. There is a smile on his face as he claps his hands together and waves goodbye. His eyes are gleaming and his face bright. There is no need for words. He turns towards the light and continues on.

"Celebration of Ericlee's Life" Memorial Service details

My sweet love, Ericlee, just made an Olympic-sized long jump into the arms of Jesus this morning. I am truly grateful that my courageous man will no longer have to suffer here on earth. How the girls and I will miss him but my heart rests knowing we will be reunited again one day in GLORY. 

We invite you to join us this Saturday, September 13 at 11 a.m. for "A Celebration of Ericlee's Life" at People's Church. A reception will follow at the Fresno Christian School gymnasium, a short walk across the parking from People's Church. You are encouraged to park on the north side of the campus near Alluvial or the east side near Jackson Park Place. Address of Peoples Church is 7172 N. Cedar Ave, Fresno, CA 93720. The weather will be hot so please plan accordingly. Children welcome at the celebration. We will have an opportunity for you to share stories & memories of Ericlee in community at the reception.

Out-of-town friends & family: My brother Paul Lazo is available to help you with travel plans and finding accommodations. We have several friends who have volunteered their homes for guests and some designated hotels where others are staying. We have discovered there is a Fresno State football game on Saturday so many hotels are full and be aware of traffic near Shaw & Cedar Avenues.

Reflections from Ericlee: Moving forward after the hospital

This last week has been rough - physically and emotionally and spiritually. We have cried and poured our hearts to our Lord and Savior.

On Monday, part of the tumor started to balloon out like a volcano.  By Wednesday it was black and looking angry.  Wednesday night I woke up to go to the bathroom. When I stood up in the bathroom, blood was squirting out from the the volcano that was on my hip. Dorina and my mom were able to help me bandage it up and control the bleeding, although it continued through the night. My local doctor is on vacation this week. Through a miracle, my mom was able to get me into another doctor in the same medical group. The doctor saw me at 2 p.m. Thursday and took me into emergency surgery at 5 p.m. to stop the bleeding. Apparently, a hematoma blood clot had occurred, which caused the bleeding. The surgeon was able to open that up and stop the bleeding. I had to stay in the hospital until Monday morning when my blood count was up again.

While in the hospital, words of death were spoken over me by the surgeon and oncologist. The cancer appears to have moved to different parts of my body. Surgery is too complicated to remove it. The doctors continue to prescribe these only recently-approved drugs which have many known and unknown debilitating side effects.

The difficult question was asked of me, "At what time will you stop the nutrition and go to drugs?" That time will not come. Because you see for me to switch over now would say to my God, "I do not trust the way you have led me."

We had many friends, family and even a nurse speak life into us while we were in the hospital. This is what I still believe and trust. God created an amazing body that has more than a trillion cells in it which are constantly regrowing, rebuilding, and replacing one another. This is what Dr. Max Gerson, George Malkmus (Hallelujah Acres), and many others have figured out. My plan is to continue the Gerson Therapy with this in mind. I believe that the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. When I asked Jesus into my heart, it was more than just an assurance to heaven, He actually lives in me through the Holy Spirit.

I was reminded today in my "Streams in the Desert" devotions that there are three levels of faith. The first is being able to believe only when we see some sign or have some strong emotion (Gideon). The second is being able to believe without relying on a sign or a strong emotion. Finally, the third level, believes God and his Word when circumstances, emotions, appearances, people, and human reason all point the other way. My wife and I are at the crossroads today believing for a miracle.

Reflections from Ericlee: Our journey to Stanford

On Wednesday, we traveled to Stanford to get a "second opinion" about surgery from a new doctor. Dr. Reddy was more compassionate and had many options for cancer treatment to share with us. We were impressed with his staff and the welcoming atmosphere at Stanford. The option we are focusing on now is surgery. A needle biopsy will be done on the nodule in my right lung and a brain MRI before they can carry out surgery. The large mass on my hip/groin is more complicated and will be a more risky surgery. Dr. Reddy is helping to find the best surgical team to see if this would be possible. We are praying and ask you to also pray that God will give us the PEACE that transcends all understanding if surgery should be the next step while continuing the Gerson Treatment. 

Following my appointment, the next morning I read "Streams in the Desert," which is a daily devotional written by a missionary to China. Each day God uses these words to be such an encouragement to Dorina and me. The passage that resonated with me was: "Once the Lord has give us great faith, He has been known to test it with long delays." As the Gilmores wait, I hope your prayers will persevere and your faith be encouraged as you face those "Walls of Betrayal" in your own lives. Remember that God loves you more than you can imagine and He has a plan for His Kingdom that is much better and bigger than our little minds can fathom.

I have been doing a lot of reading lately due to the fact I have to stop five times a day to do the coffee enemas required by Gerson Therapy. I have chosen some inspiring books that I have wanted to read for a long time. "First" was the first book I read.  It is written by a three-time CrossFit World Champion named Rich Froning.  He is a humble man who has a great love for fitness and testing his body.  He also has a great love for Jesus.  The second book I am still reading is "Born to Run" by Christopher McDougall. 

I've been reminded that when you have a true love for something it should be invigorating and joyous every time you take part in it.  It should not be dependent on money, pride, or power.  You do it because you love it!  In both of these books I have realized that when you take away the business side of things, you are left with just the love of the game, the relationship, the hobby.  I love this idea of being really good at something.  Furthermore, I love the idea of being tested in what I think I am really good at. 

My greatest loves in life are Faith, Family, and Fitness.  There are two areas in fitness that I love:  running fast and complete fitness (strength, gymnastics, endurance).  I love coaching in these areas.  The first time I was tested in my speed was my 6th grade year at the AAU Regional Meet in the 200-meter dash.  I was fast but that day I realized I was not elite.  In 2010, I was tested again in my overall fitness, and failed miserably at the CrossFit sectional meet in San Jose.  However, these were not the true tests. 

My true test came my senior year of college. Some people call it the "wall of betrayal."  You know that point in your life where you pray with persistence for something specific and God does something else. At that point, I also began to question my faith. So the question is: when our faith is tested how will we respond?  I could either give up and walk away from my personal relationship with God or I could take it up a notch and pursue Him that much more. 

That senior year, when I had all goals laid out (to qualify for the NAIA nationals and the Olympic trials in long jump), I could not even muster a performance that was better than my junior high days.  I chose not to walk away but to press in more.  Then four years later, I hit that "wall" again.  After training full time for 2.5 years to qualify for the 2000 Olympic trials, I came up short again.  It was another test.  In life we learn to love and hate the tests because they make us better, but they are so painful.

Now I face a test I never imagined - the test of cancer at age 40.  This test had to be hard because my faith is strong.  This past year has been very difficult as I directed this non-profit in Haiti while working two other jobs.  Just like with many injustice issues, it can challenge a person's faith. But this year, God was preparing me for something more personal than challenges in Haiti.

In both of the books mentioned earlier, the authors describe how an athlete must embrace extreme pain. The athletes tackle running 100 miles or a doing back-to-back-to-back Fran workout. These athletes make friends with the pain so the next time they encounter that painful spot, he/she can better cope with it and overall be a better athlete. I am taking my cues from these athletes as I face cancer and treatment today. I am pressing in to hear God's voice.

Self Talk the Gospel: The intersection of Fear and Faith

I was standing in the middle of the community garden for a “serve day” with my daughter’s second grade class when I received the phone call. I hardly remember what my husband said but I remember I stopped breathing. Results of biopsy. Melanoma in the lymph nodes. My healthy, athletic husband had cancer. At 40.

I stood there frozen, somewhere between the corn and the kale, holding a diaper bag and several water bottles for the kids on the field trip. What should I do? Text our family? Call our life group? Cry? Sink into a heap in the dirt? Scream? Pray? Leave the kids and go to my man? My head was swirling but I was stress paralyzed. Couldn’t move. The fear started to suffocate me.

In the days that followed, my mind could only imagine the worst. I spent my days weeping, imagining myself a widow raising our three daughters on my own. I envisioned my CrossFit husband in a hospital bed, writhing in pain. Every song on the radio, every commercial, every meal was a trigger for me. My mind would race to the worst-case scenarios, my worst fears somehow coming true.

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Reflection from Ericlee: On coaching & the Next leg of our journey

When a good coach speaks, the athletes listen! Why? Because we trust they know more than we do and they want the best for us. After meeting with Dr. Azar, M.D. and Certified Gerson Practictioner, for two hours we were hopeful and encouraged. She listened to my story and then she explained to me more specific protocol to follow. She did not downplay that what I have is serious, but rather, she encouraged us that with the right mental attitude and the right plan need to be implemented to overcome this cancer. She is now my coach!

We made Ericlee an orange "beer" aka organic carrot juice!

The training has definitely been kicked up a notch. Early bed times, juicing every hour, CrossFit (lower intensity) training, supplements, and coffee enemas. For those of you have not checked out the Gerson Therapy or the Beautiful Truth documentary, here it is in a nut shell. Due to our polluted world, including the water, air, and soil, we as humans are deficient and toxic. If the Immune system cannot keep up by killing the invaders or mutated cells, then cancer strikes. It is impossible to track because there are so many factors that go into people getting cancer now. Max Gerson discovered 60 years ago that if you take care of these two issues (deficiency and toxicity, the body will heal and repair itself. Thus, Gerson floods the body with pure nutrition (organic juicing) every hour of the day for a total of 13 times. Then 4-5 times a day the body is given a coffee enema which detoxes the body. This one-two punch has healed many patients from not only Cancer but Diabetes, Arthritis, and High blood pressure.

Ericlee's meals consist of a combination of organic vegetables and fruit. We are so grateful for all the friends who have shared Whole Foods gift cards and organic produce from their own gardens!

Dr. Azar also suggested we get a second opinion about surgery from Stanford University doctors. Join us in prayer as we wait for a call about an appointment.

While in San Diego, we stayed with dear friends Bill (right) & Treva Yaccino. They hosted a prayer night for Ericlee in their home and former pastor from The Bridge, Ed Noble, also joined us for a time of prayer!

I will leave you with this thought from one of our favorite devotionals: The Lord only builds a bridge of faith directly under the feet of a faithful traveler. He never builds the bridge a few steps ahead, for then it would not be one of faith. 2 Corinthians 5:7 says we live by faith and not by sight.

**If you are interested in learning more about how to help with tangible needs join Help for the Gilmores on Facebook. Financial gifts can be given online here.